We’ve all been there. And if you haven’t been there, you’ve seen it. The relationship is done, there’s nothing left for either party involved, but yet it continues on. Maybe they’re broken up and still hooking up occasionally. Maybe the girl no longer wants to be with the guy, but the second he’s gone she calls crying, and he puts his head down before begrudgingly returning to her. Maybe [s]he’s been cheating with another guy, and his boyfriend knows, but he thinks there isn’t anyone better out there. We’ve all been in this place in some way, shape or form, and it’s horrible. Any sane, half-logical person will tell you that you should never put yourself in that position, and rightfully so. But, when the time comes to walk away from that person that you’ve put your entire heart and soul into, the person that’s made you happier than you ever thought possible, the person that knows all of your secrets, the person you think the world of, it’s so damn difficult to just turn around, walk away and never look back. And I don’t think you should.
You’re never going to find someone like that person again. You may find someone better, you may find someone worse, but you’ll definitely find someone different. And when someone makes you feel as good – and as bad – as they can, you should hold on to that for as long as possible. Happiness is an incredible feeling, and if someone takes you to the most extreme points of happiness when you’re with them, you shouldn’t let them go. Because for every stupid fight over nothing, there’s a late night car ride spent singing and dancing your heart outs. For every angry text sent saying, “I’m done.” There’s a good morning apology text that reminds you why you care so fucking much about them. Even if you can’t stand to look at them at times, and those times will come, you should still understand how happy they truly make you and hold onto that for as long as possible. We live in a world where everything we do is judged, so finding that one special person who looks at you without judgmental eyes, and thinks that you’re a great person, is someone that you should cherish for as long as possible.
You’ll regret a lot of the time spent with them after things have been damaged beyond repair, but you’ll also cherish those new memories made. Break-ups are the worst, but it’s so hard to go cold turkey from a person who took your breath away for the last year. It’ll hurt waking up next to them, and knowing they’re not yours anymore. You know what’s worse than that? Waking up alone. It will hurt knowing that they’ve given their heart to someone else. Guess what hurts more? Knowing they’ve taken back the part of their heart they gave to you. Moving on is difficult to do, but I’d rather move on progressively than in one swift act of heart-wrenching pain. So if that person you once wanted so much still wants you, and you still have a place in your heart for them, open it up. Maybe you’ll realize that all those feelings you had are gone, maybe you’ll understand that you need this person in your life, maybe you’ll confuse the shit out of yourself, but at least you won’t regret not taking one – or 12 – more chance to see things can still work.
It hurts knowing that things are over. Someone has to move on first, but it’s not easy for either of you. It sucks going through a heartbreaking experience, and going through it a few times over the course of a couple of weeks, or months, is emotionally draining, but there’s still so much to gain fighting for a love you once had. Even if you know that the love has almost completely evaporated, you shouldn’t let go of something until it breaks you. Screw playing it safe, falling in love is dangerous in the first place. If you’re going to play a dangerous game, you better be prepared to get hurt, and probably pretty badly. If you’ve been hurt once before, don’t be afraid to get hurt again, because the happiness they’ll make you feel in between is worth it.
Once it’s completely over, then it is time to let it go. If there are no mutual feelings, if there’s no respect, no trust, no care, then you have to be ready to say goodbye. Don’t put yourself in an abusive relationship where you’re being used. That’s wrong. But if you both have some remnants of past relationship, then embrace those feelings until you crush them. Hold on for one more kiss at 8 a.m. before they go to work, stay for that one last time they hold your hand on a roller coaster, and don’t walk away from someone that you once held so highly until you know it’s done.
push yourself to get up before the rest of the world - start with 7am, then 6am, then 5:30am. go to the nearest hill with a big coat and a scarf and watch the sun rise.
2. push yourself to fall asleep earlier - start with 11pm, then 10pm, then 9pm. wake up in the morning feeling re-energized and comfortable.
3. erase processed food from your diet. start with no lollies, chips, biscuits, then erase pasta, rice, cereal, then bread. use the rule that if a child couldn’t identify what was in it, you don’t eat it.
4. get into the habit of cooking yourself a beautiful breakfast. fry tomatoes and mushrooms in real butter and garlic, fry an egg, slice up a fresh avocado and squirt way too much lemon on it. sit and eat it and do nothing else.
5. stretch. start by reaching for the sky as hard as you can, then trying to touch your toes. roll your head. stretch your fingers. stretch everything.
6. buy a 1L water bottle. start with pushing yourself to drink the whole thing in a day, then try drinking it twice.
7. buy a beautiful diary and a beautiful black pen. write down everything you do, including dinner dates, appointments, assignments, coffees, what you need to do that day. no detail is too small.
8. strip your bed of your sheets and empty your underwear draw into the washing machine. put a massive scoop of scented fabric softener in there and wash. make your bed in full.
9. organise your room. fold all your clothes (and bag what you don’t want), clean your mirror, your laptop, vacuum the floor. light a beautiful candle.
10. have a luxurious shower with your favourite music playing. wash your hair, scrub your body, brush your teeth. lather your whole body in moisturiser, get familiar with the part between your toes, your inner thighs, the back of your neck.
11. push yourself to go for a walk. take your headphones, go to the beach and walk. smile at strangers walking the other way and be surprised how many smile back. bring your dog and observe the dog’s behaviour. realise you can learn from your dog.
12. message old friends with personal jokes. reminisce. suggest a catch up soon, even if you don’t follow through. push yourself to follow through.
14. think long and hard about what interests you. crime? sex? boarding school? long-forgotten romance etiquette? find a book about it and read it. there is a book about literally everything.
15. become the person you would ideally fall in love with. let cars merge into your lane when driving. pay double for parking tickets and leave a second one in the machine. stick your tongue out at babies. compliment people on their cute clothes. challenge yourself to not ridicule anyone for a whole day. then two. then a week. walk with a straight posture. look people in the eye. ask people about their story. talk to acquaintances so they become friends.
16. lie in the sunshine. daydream about the life you would lead if failure wasn’t a thing. open your eyes. take small steps to make it happen for you.
“I think you need to fall in love with the wrong person. I think you need to fight and cry and sweat and bleed and fail. I think you need to have bad relationships and bad breakups. I think you need all of that so that when the right person and the right relationship comes along you can sigh with relief and say, “Ah yes. That is how its supposed to feel.”—Excerpt from “Conversations with my Mother” (via sleepychick)